File Under: Lessons Learned from a Black Mare
I thank everyone who has posted such kind comments regarding my participation (or lack thereof) on FB. I honestly had no idea I would be so "missed" and I am humbled and grateful for your kindnesses. There are many things going on in Esther's world these days, some positive, some not so much - at least on the front end, but each experience makes one grow, so, from that perspective, every experience is positive. I choose not to invest my time in a blog, but I do think some folks might find it helpful/inspiring if I share a few excerpts from my present journey here on FB. If you don't want to read such ramblings, scroll past any of my posts or unfriend me, with my blessing. Just know up front that I write simply to express myself and what I want/choose to say, and not to garner comments, be lectured to, or start adverse discussions.
I run my own business, and it is an extremely demanding endeavor, to say the least. For four years, I have invested nearly all my time in building that business, and have overcome many obstacles - most of them in my own mind - regarding the biases against creative and artistic minds in the "logical" world of law, against women IP attorneys, and against me being ME - an admittedly complex and complicated individual whom no one but God truly understands. People sometimes feel threatened by those of us who don't readily fit into a "box" but I believe, if each person truly taps into their own soul, we would realize there are no "boxes," only fantastically unique and divine individuals.
Not too long ago, I did a periodic self-check, as I tend to do every five years or so, because I want to experience life with INTENT, instead of just "allowing life to happen," and suddenly 'waking up" one day and two or twenty years are gone and I'm asking myself, "where did THAT time go??" So to prevent that sort of "unaware" living, I schedule periodic reviews with myself, and this spring was one of those times.
I ask myself such questions as, "Am I happy?" "Am I doing what I want to do with my life?" "Am I doing what God wants me to do with my life?" "Am I blessing others and/or contributing to their happiness by what I do/think/say?" The answers to these and other questions help me refine my life's path as I journey.
I realized I was spending a great deal of time in cyberspace, instead of participating in the 'real world.' For an introvert like me, cyberspace is a much simpler and safer place to live. But it is not the life God intended - at least not to excess - so one recent change I've made is to put social media in perspective and FORCE myself to more fully engage in the real world, even though I find that challenging and exhausting sometimes. There is no "edit" or "delete" in real life. One makes choices and decisions and mistakes and has to live with the consequences of each, wether pro or con . . .
Another thing that reinforced my "wake up call" was the unexpected impaction colic of my beloved mare, Lady Grace. Grace first colicked on Tuesday, June 2; she was finally released from UT's Intensive Care Unit on Saturday, June 16. Throughout every long and exhausting day and night, Grace displayed a tenacious will to live, a remarkable ability to withstand intense pain, and she lived up to her name every moment as a model patient, despite - or perhaps because of - her noble heart and Diva spirit. But to watch her fight to live, hour by hour, awakened something that had, somehow, gone dormant in me. All those days and years of hard work and paying bills and worrying over where the next client or next dollar was coming from - all of that mattered, TRULY mattered - how much???? None at all. I sincerely appreciate my clients, many of whom are friends, and I am grateful for each and every one, but my family of animals is where my heart truly beats. If they are happy and healthy, everything else falls into place in my world.
In sum, my priorities were reawakened. Today is Grace's birthday. I took the day off work. A month ago I presumed she would see this day. A week ago, that presumption was far from assured. So, Happy Birthday, Lady Grace. And thank you for helping me rekindle my own spirit. And thank you, most of all, for remaining here with me to continue our journey together.
I've also realized I miss making music. So I'm looking for an appropriate outlet and actively seeking a church job or other gig where my piano/keyboard skills can be cultivated again. I have a Master of Music in piano and was a professional performer and teacher before transitioning to law, and the artist within me will no longer be silenced.