Last week was an emotional roller coaster. A lot of seemingly major things happening all the same time, and that's hard for this human to process. I need time - lots of it - to study on things and feel whatever i Need to feel and try and make sense of the chaos, whether good or bad.
I could write volumes about what all went on, but the sea of emotion is still too much. My business is booming at present, and I'm deeply grateful for that, but it leaves me zero time to process and feel and write about what I need to sort through. So everything sits inside and waves of happy and sad beat against my peace of mind, eroding my focus and stinging my eyes with salty tears.
Even now, I have only minutes to write, when I need hours . . .
But always, whenever I'm feeling utterly overwhelmed, God provides some means of reassuring me, "Hey! Beloved daughter! I'm HERE with you - you're not alone." For this round of chaos, God spoke through a song while I was driving. I'd never heard the piece before, but here's a YouTube link if you're curious.
Oh. My. Soul.
Time and change are interesting things to experience.
At one point in my life's journey, I marched in a high school band every Friday night during autumn for years. I'll never march in a band again. Life goes on and things change. And that's fine. I do not WANT to march in a band again. It was fun at the time, but completely irrelevant to me now.
At another point in my life's journey, the past several years, in fact, I basically ignored my own beloved horses to expend every waking moment and every possible dollar towards rescuing, rehabilitating, and rehoming horses that otherwise would have died a horrible death via slaughter. Was it guilt that motivated me? Guilt that my own animals are so cherished and well-cared for? Was it pride? Pride that I, Esther, could somehow "make a difference?"
Like that starfish story https://www.pinterest.com/explore/starfish-story/ I and a team of kind-hearted humans HAVE made a difference to dozens of horses who now live happy, healthy lives with owners who love them.
But, like high school band, some fundamental shift has occurred in me. Maybe it's exhaustion - mind, body, and soul finally saying, "you have done ENOUGH for a while!" Maybe it's "compassion fatigue" - rescuers and veterinarians often talk of this issue, where one finally realizes they've cared too much for too long and the flood of unwanted animals just keeps pouring across social media, across text messages, across one's soul, eroding a sense of peace until you have nothing left to give.
Whatever the reason, major changes are happening in my spirit, and thus reflected in my life. Like the airlines always advise, "put on your own air mask before helping those around you." Self-care is THE hardest thing for a good-hearted person to prioritize. This is the lesson I am learning at present.
I look within and find very little joy. If I, as God's beloved daughter, feel no joy in my existence, what, exactly, is the point? Springtime is my very favorite time of year, and THIS spring, my prayer is to have the courage to take care of me and my four-legged family and enjoy the many blessings God has bestowed upon me.
"As ye think, so ye be." It is time for me to lighten up in every possible way. Lighten up my worry with more trust in God. LIghten up my responsibilities with letting go of extra material possessions, extra responsibilities, unnecessary "intake" of all things negative, anything that burdens me unduly needs to go. it is time for me to think joy, live joy, find joy, and BE joy.
Ultimately, this is my entire purpose for being. To radiate joy and kindness wherever I go, to whomever I meet. Every day. In every way.
My prayer is that you will do the same. Together, joy-filled, kind-hearted people can change the world.